Hot or Not (Mask Edition)
Hello friends!
For this blog, I’ve decided to rate ten of the masks I’ve met at my customer service job during this pandemic. Are you ready?
#1: Cart wipe under the bridge of glasses
Rating: 1/10
This has actually happened on more occasions than you would expect (you would expect 0 because like ????) More than one person who wears glasses has thought to construct a mask from the wipes equipped with literal chemicals that are provided to sanitize carts. I am not entirely sure of the effectiveness, but 1/10 because it’s better than nothing and maybe the wipes also can sanitize airborne COVID and not just shopping cart COVID? If the CDC reads this, please let me know. Anybody who does this, are you okay?
#2: Shirt sleeve ripped off shirt in real time
Rating: 2/10
Okay, so I wasn’t here when this happened, but my coworker gave me the rundown. A man comes into the store. No mask. We tell him he needs a mask. He says I don’t have one. We say that’s okay, we can get you one. He says no, it's fine, then proceeds to rip off the sleeve of his shirt and pull it over his head. First of all, I need you to DM me your arm workout please, second of all, ?????
We really could have gotten you a mask. 2/10 because better than nothing and the effort and commitment was major main character energy.
#3: Reusable bag over head with eye holes cut out (cherry print)
Rating: 1/10
????? If it weren’t cherry print we’d probably assume you were committing a crime. Also, how did you measure out the eye holes? 1/10 because you tried. Also rating myself 9/10 on ability to maintain professionalism under these circumstances.
#4: One of those plastic face masks with eye holes and a mouth hole, but covered in handwritten political messages
Rating: 0/10
Did not understand the assignment. All of the face is covered except what’s supposed to be. Definitely 0/10. Also, have no idea what the words and hashtags mean. The only thing I could make out was the drawing of the American flag. 5/10 for the drawing, I haven’t looked at a flag recently, but I recall more than one stripe being involved.
#5: Disposable mask with polka dots, except instead of polka dots, its RBG’s face
Rating: 9/10
YAY. Good work wearing an actual mask! I am deducting one point however because it is not a reusable mask, and now you have to throw away RBG’s face.
#6: Hand over mouth
Rating: -10/10
Not you trying to turn a hand into a mask. Nothing would have been better than this. It just makes you look like you’re extremely in shock. About everything everywhere. And I’m pretty sure that now your mouth germs are on your hand too. Please don’t do this.
#7: N95
Rating: 100/10
THANK YOU
#8: Mask that looks like the bottom half of someone’s face (includes a goatee)
Rating: 7/10
It’s a mask, I guess.
#9: “I forgot my mask in the car”
Rating: 8.5/10
That’s okay, we’ll grab one, a normal functional one, for you! Also deducting a point and a half because its 2022, it’s been two years, and your mask should be another limb to you at this point.
#10: Plague mask
Rating: -25,000,000/10
25,000,000. Do you know what that is? That’s how many people died in the plague. It CLEARLY doesn’t work. Ineffective and also scary looking. Where did you even get one of these? Is it from your childhood? Also, if you wear a plague mask, please don’t try drinking coffee without fully removing it from your face. It is not a suitable facial accessory while drinking a beverage you are prone to spill. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Honorable mention: Bedazzled mask over disposable mask
Rating: 10/10
Material Gworl.
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Well, that concludes this week’s blog! Thank you so much for reading, and come back next week for my blog about….I don’t know yet! It will be a surprise for all of us.
Warm regards,
Mahika
