Oh, You Shouldn’t Have! (The Sequel)
Another day, another blog.
Due to popular demand (mostly from myself), I will be doing a sequel to my last blog. So here I am, rating 10 more of the things customers have given me!
1. Rainbow masks
Rating: 100/10
Oh my goodness. SO NICE. THANK YOU. My mask now brightens every room it goes into and is unequivocally the life of every party.
2. Job opportunity
Rating: 6/10
I happen to already have a job, but thank you so much for thinking of me…..
…..how much does it pay again?
3. Spectrum offer
Rating: -10/10
HOW DO YOU ALWAYS FIND ME?? I already have Spectrum!!! How many times do I have to tell you??? If Spectrum is reading this, YOU HAVE TOO MANY EMPLOYEES.
4. A book that they wrote themselves
Rating: 99/10
IT WAS SUCH A GOOD BOOK. THANK YOU! Would have rated 100/10, but deducting half a point because you did not mention that you wrote a book until that moment, when you’ve been a customer for, like, more than a year. This is a very cool fact about yourself that you should immediately disclose to everyone you meet. Deducting another half a point because the book was so good that I couldn’t put it down and then I didn’t go to sleep until 2 AM when I had to open the next day (6 AM). This was a very rough shift for me. Anyways, you are a 10/10 writer. I am excited for all future books. Will go leave a Goodreads review now.
5. Crumpled up ball of paper
Rating: 3/10
You handed this to me silently and then walked away. Is my Hogwarts acceptance letter finally here? Or is this how jury duty works? Am I being invited to your wedding?
Note: No, it was just someone’s number.
6. Their recipe for roasted delicata squash
Rating: 10/10
She called it “really easy and really delicious.” Apparently, all you need is olive oil and seasoning. My main culinary experience is microwaveable oatmeal, but this is sounding promising. I will keep you all posted.
7. Continual updates on the Feb. 5 UNC/Duke game
Rating: 5/10
Yikes. Thanks for letting me know, you made me feel a lot better for having to work during it. Went from very sad to very glad real quick.
8. Diamond earring
Rating: N/A /10
Okay, N/A because this wasn’t given to me, it was given to my coworker. She wanted me to share her story. Basically, a customer handed her a single earring. She wrapped it in a tissue because like, where do you put it??? And didn’t think too much of it. Soon after, the earring went MIA, with suspected whereabouts being the trash. Well, it turns out that the earring was actually a LEGIT DIAMOND earring. Moral of the story: Be careful with anything, and I mean anything, customers give to you. It might be a LEGIT DIAMOND. LEGIT. DIAMOND.
9. Stress
Rating: 0/10
Omg pls, why am I so invested in your sister’s divorce? Or your journey trying to get your student in trouble for plagiarism when he’s on his own journey trying to get you fired? Or your upcoming knee surgery? Or your declining credit card? STRESS. I am STRESSED.
10. Brochure for a comp sci program at some college
Rating: 6/10
Thank you, but I already go to UNC and already tried comp sci. I kept having nightmares about arrays. Then I switched to PR/Advertising. The nightmares stopped. But then I did have a nightmare that me and the Geico gecko switched bodies. He wouldn’t let me switch back into mine and I kept getting the “Fifteen minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance” wrong. I couldn’t say anything past “Fifteen minutes could save you.” Then I got fired and no other companies were willing to take a chance on a gecko. So then I considered switching back to comp sci. Cool brochure though. Thanks.
Note: There might be someone’s number on the back.
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Okay, that’s it for now! Thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day :)
Best, Mahika
